May 6th

Today was AMAZING! Here is a list of what went right:

1. My econ exam went well
2. I talked to Britt for an hour and a half :) :) :)
3. It rained so hard and it was all lightning and stuff
   
4. We slip and slid in the muddy puddle things formed by the rain
5. We slid down a hill and had so much fun
6. Did I mention I talked to Britt!
7. I am working for someone friday.
8. I found a bunch of poems in my phone, here they are, end list...

As I step out into the crisp night air
My soul cringes
And I shake it off
Knowing it will be warm soon

As I sat watching the rain patter against the window
I drifted off
Thinking of the things that make me happy

Love can be felt two ways
The Emptiness you feel when they aren't there
And the intense overflowing when they are
Love is all around us
It surrounds us
and it lifts us up
and makes us reach for what we love
We chase love with everything we have

I have been feeling really creative lately, I think I am influenced partially, oh and my day has been better then yesterday, and I thank God for that. I thank him with every bit of me. She blogged about me, and about how I make her feel, and I have seen it coming, and I know what she wants to say, I think about those words, and how she makes me feel, and she makes me feel amazing, she makes me smile, I am so happy I can talk to her for so long and we can just talk and talk and like she said, no awkward pauses. She makes me feel better then I have in a while, while it saddens me that my subconscious plans will not work out, this may be for the best, we will see, I don't know, but I really like her, I like I told her, I will catch her any time she wants to make the leap. I will be here when ever she needs me, I think about us together, and I think how amazing it would be. I think how different our timing is but that through God we can make it work. I am here for you sweetheart, lets make that jump together...

How 'bout in person? Let me sweep you off your feet and make you feel amazing...

Oh, message to my ex, we have figured life out, on our own terms, but we are still the same people deep down. It makes me think about change, and how change can affect the relationships have with others, and whether the change is a choice or if it is forced, If it's forced, once we are free we seek what we could not have before, but it is our own choice we choose to live differently and that is the change that sticks. So I have learned this lesson, Change for yourself, make yourself who you want to be, then seek the companionship of others. I feel bad for snooping, but heck, I was curious, so you can't blame me. Plus I am crazy, My brain is like a garage full of boxes and every box is open but yet i know exactly where something is at any given time. Big day tomorrow, work then and exam, then Life, MY Life, My relationship with VCU is over. I am free from them and I can work when I want and go where I want when I want. All those memories of my ex came rushing back, and I just keep thinking, she is no different then when I met her, except that now she seems like she's got it all figured out. I can hide who I am all I want but one day the dam will break and everyone beneath it will be destroyed in the torrent of my soul. Love is a fickle thing, it comes and goes, and then kicks you in the hypothetical genitals on the way out, leaving you writhing on the floor until you can find it in you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. I have done that, and friday's haircut will be so symbolic, a symbol of everything I have held on to, everything I have built up, I am letting it go, in search of new things, better things, things that fit me better then a square peg in a round hole. Maybe I will find the one, maybe she's right under my nose, I think I am finally seeing the light. Things have changed, and they can never be the same again. I am who I am through God, accept me or get out. But as far as it depends on me I am living at peace with everyone...