May 11th

I am the beginning of change
the start of something bigger then myself
but I will be the one to get the ball rolling
I am stronger than before
more able to succeed
I am wiser
able to make better choices
I am the start of something good
Something memorable
And it will all stem from me

Today has been a good day for me. I worked for a good while, then i sat around till 2 and then got trained briefly to be a waiter, it should be fun. I'm excited. I'm listening to The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus' Your Guardian Angel. It makes me happy and sad at the same time, it reminds me of the past, shines a light on the future and reminds me i'm still human. replacing one song linked to a series of events with another is the best way to get over something. Same thing with a location. Bad memory happens, go back a while later and have a different memory and you will think of the closer memory. At least, when you have a clear head. The problem is that it may happen that all the thoughts will be rolled into one, and if it happens too often then it will lose meaning. My question is "could this happen with something intimate like a kiss or something more?" Can something like that lose value if it happens too much with too many people? I think that it really all depends on the person and what they mean to you. It really is all in the kiss. If you deep inside feel nothing, the kiss will be nothing. the other day I walked by a girl and her smell was intoxicating, woah, that made me feel like a knife got stabbed through my heart. That and the thought of an exhilerating kiss for all the wrong reasons. I am excited about finding the one, whether I have or havent yet, I am excited for that day when I will get to walk down the aisle and make everyone proud. My brain is currently filtering thoughts from one of the two minds, and I am trying to switch. Women aren't conquests, they aren't things to be lusted after, not things to be desired, not to be treated like "conquering" them is some sort of achievement like an XBOX. Women are beautiful, like flowers, and they are to be treated as such. Cared for and about, treated like they are special, given attention to. Now that I say that Satan is going to give me an onslaught of thoughts that will destroy my consciousness, without God that is. That was more an out loud filter, I am amazed at my current ability to discern between thoughts of one mind or another, or at least thoughts from that mind. It really helps to shut them down when you know what they are. But I am going to go to bed, and have some weird dreams, and all that jazz...