May 25th

There is no rational behind this, no reason I can see, it just makes anger swell up within me. Overwhelming me, consuming every bit of me. Alcohol and its consumption by minors, and the condoning of such acts. Yes I know that it isn't the top thing on people's "To do List" and that the legal age used to be 18, but it's not. And it makes me more than uncomfortable, at first it is an uneasy feeling, like you just ate something spicy and your stomach is deciding what to do with it. But the more it happens, and the more I am reminded of it the worse it gets, and I don't want to voice my opinion because nobody today cares, and because I have no case. Like I said, I don't know why I don't like it, but I just don't. I don't like that atmosphere, I don't like anything about it. But I think mostly what it has to do with is my overprotectiveness of my girlfriends. I just don't want anything bad to happen I guess. But I don't know. And that song I was writing, or attempting to write, started off as an I am too good for everyone song, like why am I so great when I can't find that perfect person. Noone is perfect, I myself am severely flawed, but I guess that it is the perfectionist in me that desires my whole world to be perfect, to meet such impossible standards that I will end up alone, with nothing, I may dream big, think like a visionary, but if I can't ... I lost my train of thought, my roommate has upsettedly got up and is cleaning, and I believe I just lost another thing that I care about. Unless my subconscious is so deeply manipulative that it fools me into thinking these things, into playing its games, just for the thrill, well I won't have any of it, I will fight it, and I will get back what I have lost, final, end of story. And without words, except I'm sorry... And she wasn't upset, I was mistaken.

Or MAYBE, it's just that I know I am not perfect, and have not met my own expectations and my brain constantly reminds me of it. I have failed myself, and that is the worst person you can ever fail, because if you are like me, you aren't one to let it go so easy...