March 24th

I feel torn, I feel broken, I am falling apart and I have set a time schedule for myself and shit comes along and messes it all up, and it upsets me, it upsets me alot. I am going to be so tired tomm. thanks to a 2 hour convo with jess, that mostly involved arguement, unnes. and it pulled me away from what i was doing but i can never get that time back. So I have no idea how I am suppose to be awake and alert for my exams, at this point i can only get 7 hours sleep, I am exhausted already, I dont need anymore, but yet more is put on me. and I am angered, deeply. But I had to be the nice guy, but im not a nice guy, and its clear that i'm not, so very clear, but yet she keeps running back to me, why i ask myself why. If I knew the answer I would be a better person, but right now I am so angry, not just because of that, but because I have noone to be open and upset to, my only pillar of support, the only one that wouldnt lecture me is gone, and I can't get it back because it was their personal choice. I cannot work things out because I am single handedly crushing not only my own life but theirs as well. And it's not fair, and it's not right. But I need to sleep, and I need to vent.