MORE Epiphany!!!
Ok, so, there are two roads a man can go down when he knows he can continue no further on the current one, one ends sooner then the other, and the other is a complete 180 change from the path he was taking before. But change is only the suppression of natural tendencies until new habits and tendencies are formed. I need to forgive myself like God forgives me, so that I may one day be clean in my own sight.
Was that enough epiphany for you?...
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Dude, you don't need to worry about forgiving yourself. You're getting to emotionally attached, and selfish. Your life is not for you, it's for the glorification of God. Period.
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